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  • Writer's pictureBelle Eykmans

I Shaved My Head

About a month ago, I shaved my head. One month into it and I’m feeling the need to do a little check in. This is probably more of a therapeutic processing moment for me more than anything but if I can also provide some insight to someone who is on the fence about shaving their head, it would be my honor to do so.

Initial thoughts: I am honestly so happy that I did this and would do it again, (I mean, might do it again). I am someone that puts thought into big decisions, like I have a handful of tattoos and each of them have an important meaning to me. So, I didn’t shave my head because I was bored or wanted to participate in a quarantine hashtag. This has truly been a long time coming. I did it because I felt like my hair was the foundation of my confidence. I loved my hair, I mean, LOVED my hair. It was the perfect accessory (when it cooperated), I could change its color, I could cut it and grow it out, I could put it in the world’s smallest bun, and it was fun and made me feel beautiful. It was such a significant outlet of my own self expression so what better way to see just how true those things were than to get rid of it completely? What other ways could I express myself positively if I couldn’t use my hair?

Fast forward to now: All of my initial feelings still stand true. The new low maintenance nature of my hair is amazing and I am happy to report that I haven’t had any breakdowns or moments of regret. If anything, I will catch my reflection and be kind of spooked by my appearance because I just forget how short my hair really is. However, I’m not sure I’ve been fully tested because of being quarantined. How ironic, the very reason I decided to shave my head is actually preventing me from the actual test of having a shaved head. One thing that I am happy to report is, since then, I have started focusing on writing and music a lot more. I've written a handful of stories, started a couple scripts, and have been writing lyrics. It could also be the quarantine talking but one of my goals was, in fact, to focus on other creative outlets post-buzzcut and I can say that I have been successful.

If I’ve noticed anything else different about my behavior it’s that I am wearing more makeup than I normally do. Truthfully, I’m not entirely sure if it’s because I feel like I have to overcompensate my femininity with makeup or if I just have more time and I just love makeup. Ever since middle school, I have had a lot of people tell me that I would be prettier if I had straight hair or long hair and up until recently, I had that idea kind of haunting me in the back of my mind. I wanted this buzzcut to eradicate that idea from my mind and allow me to fully love who I am for everything I am no matter what the rest of the world’s idea of beauty is. It might mean that i’ll be super single until I get some hair back but I’m 1000% okay with that.

If there is anything at all that I’m apprehensive about in the future it’s how I’m going to look in another month or two. I’ve got some THICK hair, y’all, and I also have like 3 colics so if it’s a struggle to control it at the present moment, it could be disastrous when it gets even longer. So don’t be surprised if you happen to see me in public looking absolutely WILD.

Before I close, I do have a lot of people to thank. The amount of support I have experienced through this whole process has been outstanding. My family and friends watched the the process and cheered me on every minute of it. People that I haven’t spoken to in a few years and complete strangers that stumbled upon my video on various social media platforms were encouraging and uplifting. I’ve been hyped up like I’ve never been hyped up and I am so grateful. Thank you for taking this journey with me.

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